The Ceremony
by Abraxania
Summary: It had taken some time to overcome prejudice and to become friends. They had more in common than anyone would have guessed. But now they had taken him away. And he wasn't going to accept that. He would never abandon him. Never! K/S
1. Chapter 1

Prologue

When he looked back after all those years he was absolutely certain that it had been this peculiar moment that got everything started - the best things and the worst he would never have considered possible.

Some people might call it fate, but James T. Kirk didn't believe in fate. In fact it was his rock-hard belief that it had been his disobience and pure ignorance of no-win-situations that had brought them here. And for once in his lifetime he could say that he didn't regret one single aftermath of his decision. He remembered every thought and emotion as if it just had happened yesterday.

_So here we go! My first fanfiction in English (it's not my first language). This is just a little teaser. More to come in the next days. And thanks a lot to sweet Lanaea to look it over. Tell me what you think about it (the story not my English ;p )_


	2. Guilt

_Here it is, the new chapter of my story. Takes a little bit more time to write in foreign language than I thought. Thanks again to Lanaea to skim over it. And special thanks to BookwormDragon who offered help. I'll take you up on it!_

_Enjoy! (hopefully)  
_

**Guilt**

Jim thought he couldn't believe his eyes as he watched Uhura's lips melt into those of a very well-known Vulcan. It was one of the most irritating things he had ever seen.

What confounded Jim even more was the fact that it annoyed the hell out of him.

Uhura was an eyecatcher that was for sure, but this wasn't the reason why the tender moment between the exotic beauty and the greenblooded Starfleet top-of-the line model-officer offended him so much. He had lost his interest in her the moment he had noticed her craving for a steady and well-mannered partner.

James T. Kirk loved the hunt not the prey, so a long-term relationship didn't fit into his concept. And no – he wasn't well-mannered and he was damn proud about it. It was so much more fun to meet a girl on the same wavelength. They played 'the game' -nothing more. No consequences, no unfulfilled desires. Like Uhura's beautiful Orion roommate. That had been a woman to his taste!

But even this memory didn't help against the feeling to be completely and utterly alone now.

'I will come back.' Spock said to the young Lieutenant after looking her deep in the eyes.

It sounded like real affection. Jim hadn't kown that the young half-Vulcan was capable of feeling something more than the rarely shown annoyance and anger. But it seemed that Spock had chosen solely Jim to be on the receiving end of his negative emotions.

That wasn't new to James T. Kirk. His whole life he had wanted attention, wanted to be someone to remember not only the son of the great George Kirk. And hell - people remembered him. Just in the wrong way.

Bones once had told him that it was because of him behaving like a abandoned stray city dog. Barking and biting just to get any attention at all. He had laughed it off.

Perhaps it was the situation of being at the edge to doom brought over them by a Romulan lunatic that gave him the seldom insight that Bones might have been right... Maybe it was his abnormal ambition to prove them all wrong... He would show them all that there was more to him than met the eye.

‚You better be.' Uhura told Spock ‚I'll be monitoring your frequency.'

‚Thank you, Nyota.' The vulcan said standing perfectly still not one single limb moving as he watched her leaving.

‚So her firstname is Nyota?' he asked Spock just to say something and distract himself from the loneliness he felt.

'I have no comment on the matter.' the now back to his cold self Vulcan replied.

The following events went by like a blur. The only thing he remembered afterwards was that his teamwork with Spock had seemed to come naturally to them. Jim had made the decisions and Spock had followed him without question and covered his back.

Jim wondered if it had been because in a odd change of events Spock had chosen to trust him or if it just had been based on the fact that Spock hadn't trusted the conclusions of his compromised logical mind so he had to trust someone else.

It was more likely to be the latter. Jim sighed. Compared to the behaviour-pattern of his whole life just because of the death of a father he had never known, Spock's reaction to the loss of his home, his mother and millions of Vulcan souls seemed pretty controlled and rational. And that guy was only half Vulcan!

Only with the help of the elder Spock on the iceplanat Jim had been able to destroy the outer shell of the Vulcan and get a glimpse at the bleeding heart of the younger version. Spock had tried to kill him, but to be honest Jim couldn't hold it up against him. If he had been in Spock's place he would have murdered that bastard that said he didn't love the mother he just had lost.

Jim felt a little desperate that someone could think of him as a ruthless ass, greedy for power. Even Bones had been shocked and aloof the following days. But he couldn't explain it to anybody, couldn't tell them that there had been an encounter with a time-traveler telling him to piss off his commanding officer in order to save Earth. It just sounded crazy.

And he couldn't tell Spock either. Spock Prime had warned him about the consequences, the disorder it would cause in time and space.

Of course he felt honoured that they promoted him to the status of a Captain and that he was given the Enterprise as his ship, but there was this unmistakable sting in his chest that he hadn't truely earned it, that most of the credit should have gone to the Vulcan who watched him silently during the ceremonial festivities.

The more surprised Jim was when the newly designated Commander Spock entered the bridge of the U.S.S. Enterprise and offered himself as First officer under Captain Kirk's command.

Jim was more than happy to accept. Perhaps he couldn't get the chance to explain the background of his actions to the young Vulcan, but perhaps he'd find a way to somehow show Spock that he was capable of being more than a pain in the ass. Well, it might take some time to get along with Spock at least in an endurable way, but James T. Kirk couldn't resist a good challenge.


	3. The finger issue

_I'm so sorry it has taken so long to update this story! But I must tell the truth - it needs a lot of extra motivation to write in a foreign language. It eats up so much more time. I got that extra motivation from lyricoloratura who has helped me with that chapter enormously. Thank you so much, darling! Go and read her story "Both ways at once" about Chekov and Sulu. It's as good as Lanea's "Home". I promise!  
_

_Enjoy the new chapter and tell me what you think about it!_**  
**

**The finger issue**

The first time he noticed the little gesture he didn't give it much thought. It just had become a regular habit to watch his first officer more closely.  
The idea of Spock being committed to the whole variety of human emotions like anger, love and despair intrigued him. How did the after all half-human  
guy manage to keep his feelings in check? Were his Vulcan genes so strong that they dominated his human half? Jim was too proud a human to engage with this  
idea. So Mr. Spock had become his new enigma.

It was Bones who got the first reaction out of Mr. Cool, unnoticed by everyone but Jim.

Sitting in his Captain's chair he had the best view at his second and third in command.  
Bones stared at Spock, his mouth hanging open. Spock, on thr other hand, stood there perfectly calmly with his hands clasped behind his back.

"You can't be serious, Mr. Spock! You must be kidding!"

"Vulcans do not kid, Dr. McCoy. I assure you that my intentions are only to improve the functionality of this crew."

"The functionality!" Bones threw his hands up. "Is that the only thing you're interested in? If you hadn't noticed, Commander, most of the crew is  
human. And humans have to have fun sometimes! And spare me the meditating-is-as-sufficent-as-having-fun-crap! I am the chief-medical aboard  
this ship and I am going to decide what is good for the crew and what isn't. I don't give a fig for your oh-so-logical conclusions!"

Spock's little finger twitched. It seemed like an unintended movement -- like an animal's instinctive muscle convulsion to shoo away a bothersome insect, Jim  
decided.

"I am quite aware of the fact that human ideas of recreation time differ vastly from the Vulcan concept of meditation, Dr. McCoy. Nonetheless it is my  
opinion that a casino in the cafeteria is not advisable."

Jim had to hold back a snicker. He was going along with Spock on this one. He would have told Bones the same. Well, he would have chosen other words, but it  
was too much fun to watch the Vulcan and the Doctor bickering.

"You greenblooded hob..."

Spock's little finger twitched again, more violently than before.

"Bones!" Jim chimed in. This was the bridge, after all. He couldn't allow his First Officer to be insulted in front of the crew. "Spock's  
right, you know. No gambling. Let's look out for something less wicked."

Bones gave him a strange look and Jim only shrugged with an apologetic smile. He was a Starfleet Captain now . He had at least to try to act more  
responsibly. Bones sighed.

"Fine, Jim. I'll think of something else as long as it hasn't anything to do with supressing emotions."

The Vulcan's right hand clasped his left more tightly .

After this incident Jim started to watch Spock's hands more closely. And it began to dawn on him that Spock's apparently indifferent posture with  
clasped hands behind his back was more of a way to hold himself at bay. The hands seemed to betray his neutral aura so he tucked them away, safely  
secured from the vision of whomever he was speaking with. But now Jim knew what to look for and he was astounded by how expressively the slender fingers displayed Spock's mood.

When the Vulcan scientist was so preoccupied with new research findings at his science station that he seemed to forget everything else around him, the  
hand enfolding the display device would loosen its grip from time to time and run over the smooth metal like a caress. Jim interpreted it as a gesture  
of contentment and relaxation.

When Spock was concentrating on a recent problem, his fingers were completely still. They rested on his lap only waiting to get in action with a sudden  
movement to type some relevant data in the control panel and then resting again on his thighs like a perfect machine waiting for commands. Jim was pretty sure  
that Spock had switched in this moment to the "Full-Vulcan-Mode" -- he had no better way to describe it -- and feeling nothing at all.

On very rare occasions even the Vulcan mastermind became exhausted. That usually happened when he tried to explain something very logical to  
someone absolutely emotional -- someone like Pavel Chekov. Oh, Pavel had a brilliant mind of his own, that was for sure. But he couldn't keep his  
scatterbrained personality under control. Only when some of his friends were in danger was Chekov able to focus and use all of his genius to save them from  
dissociation in the transporter beam or from smashing on very hard rocks... And since Pavel seemed to feel at ease with nearly every single person on the ship  
and befriended even the grumpy Dr. McCoy, Jim was sure that the youngster would use his abilities to save all of them again and again.

And Spock knew that, too. It was the only explanation for how the Vulcan endured the chattering and twittering of young Pavel for this long. After two hours  
of conversation with topics changing in the same rapid speed in which words were pouring out of Pavels mouth, Jim would have been sound asleep. Spock just  
started to rub his thumb in slow circles against the palm of his other hand like humans would rub their temples when trying to keep concentrated.

Kirk regretted the fact that he couldn't see the reaction of Spock's hands when he talked to Jim himself. But the hands were tucked away so  
carefully behind the Vulcan's slender figure that he could only imagine what happened there. He had a painful idea of Spock's elegant hands curled into  
fists while speaking with the despicable captain.

A few weeks later he was shocked to really see this gesture on Spock -- not directed at Jim, however, but at a very upset looking Lieutenant Uhura conversing with  
the First Officer of the U.S.S. Enterprise. The two of them hadn't noticed the presence of their Captain yet and by watching them Jim had to correct his first impression.  
They were not conversing. Uhura seemed to be on the verge of tears and talked at Spock first in a pleading and then in a furious way. Spock stood perfectly  
still, only his right fist curling and loosening in a unusual fast manner not responding at all to Uhura.

Was Jim the witness to a lover's spat? With beating heart he sneaked closer and hid in a small niche to catch their -- or, actually, Uhura's --  
words better. They were too absorbed in their conversation to notice him.

"...a negation of your own personality. Can't you understand that I only want to help you, Spock? Why don't you let me in? I know you have feelings!  
You must be sad and lonely and..."

_Oh my,_ Kirk thought, _that kind of talk doesn't work on human men either. How should it work on a Half-Vulcan?_ He shuddered at the memory of various girlfriends trying to do the â€žWhat are you thinking, honey? But you must be thinking something!â€œ-talk to him.  
He'd run as fast he could every single time. It seemed that even a very talented communications-officer hadn't learned to decipher the  
language of the male sex.

"Fine... Don't tell me. I thought we had something special, Spock. I thought we were on the same wavelength."

Jim rolled his eyes. _Nothing can be on the same wavelength of a Vulcan mind_, he mused sarcastically. At least he was quite sure that no human  
being would ever be.

"I have been so patient with you, Spock. I know that you need your time to adjust. But you have to open up to me. I'm so afraid to lose you because I  
don't know what's happening inside of you..."

_You're just losing him right now, sweetie,_ Jim thought and shook his head. He never understood why women were so persistent to speak out loud every  
thought that crossed their mind. It just brought up the memories again and again you were trying so hard to cope with. He had to help Spock.

Without another thought he left his little hideout and walked with wide steps and a silly smile plastered on his face towards Spock and Uhura.

"Spock! There you are!" A short, shocked silence followed as Spock and Uhura turned around. Uhura's eyes narrowed with disapproval but Spock's  
dark eyes seemed to fill for the shortest moment with relief and his fists eased their strong grip. Now it was a real grin on Jim's face. Who would  
have assumed that he'd have THAT effect on Spock?

"Oh, hi Lieutenant Uhura. you're here too," he couldn't resist adding. The Lieutenant was now glaring daggers at him.

"Captain," Spock said in a perfect neutral tone. "You were looking for me?"

"Well, of course, Spock. That's very unlike you to forget our appointment. Are you feeling well?"

Spock's left brow rose sceptically, but before he could answer, Jim continued his speech. "You promised me a lecture on war strategy. Even though  
I don't believe there is anything you could teach me. Remember, I've beaten your Kobayashi Maru test."

"You didn't beat it, you cheated, Captain." The second Vulcan brow went up.

"I won the unwinnable. That's the point. And you really dare to challenge me again, Commander?" James T. Kirk teased.

"That's rubbish!" Uhura chimed in. "You never had an appointment with Spock today!"

Kirk smiled sweetly at his communications officer. "You aren't accusing Spock of a lie, do you? I thought you knew best of us all that Vulcans don't  
lie. It's illogical. So come on, Spock. I don't have time the whole day to chitchat with you and your girlfriend. This strategy-lesson of yours has to  
happen now or never."

He just turned around and started to walk. He had to admit that he was a little nervous to see if Spock backed up his maneuver. After a few moments he heard the following steps of his First Officer. It didn't take the whole hallway for Spock to catch up.

When they were around the next corner out of Uhura's line of vision, he grinned brightly at the half-Vulcan.

"You owe me one for saving your **."

"I do not understand what you are talking about, Captain," was the only answer he got from Spock. Jim risked a glimpse at Spock's hands. They were  
loosely folded in each other. No sign of emotion at all.

_He's at ease with me, right now_, was the surprising discovery the young captain made. And he couldn't help the feeling of pride swelling in  
his chest.

In his marvelling he didn't notice that Spock had taken the lead. Only as they halted in front of the conference room he stopped to follow the Vulcan.

"Uhm, Spock... It's my spare time, you know. I'll..."he didn't have  
the chance to finish the sentence.

"I insist that you come with me, Captain."

"Why?" Jim blurted out and felt embarassed in the same instant. He behaved like a teenaged boy in front of the Vulcan to whom he had tried to prove so hard  
that he was worthy to be a Captain.

"Like you pointed out so very correctly, Vulcans do not lie because it is illogical. And since you told me that we have a meeting to improve your skills  
in strategy, I am going to keep my word."

"Oh no, Spock! You can't be serious! You're just afraid that the harpy will come back!" Jim groaned. That hadn't been his plan.

"I still do not know what you are referring to, Captain, but I assure you of my seriousness. Or are you implying that you did not tell me the truth  
about our meeting, even though you said it is highly illogical to lie?"

A suspicion dawned in Kirk's head that Spock was teasing him. It was a payback for the mentioning of the Kobayashi Maru test. Hah! He wouldn't let  
the Vulcan win this battle!

"No, no. Of course not! I have a very special strategy test in mind."

"And what kind of test is that, if I may ask?"

Jim grinned smugly.

"There is a very old human test for logical and strategical thinking. We're going to play chess!"

And Jim knew that he was really good at this game.


	4. Protecting the king

_**Oh my... it took me some time, didn't it?**_

_**So here are my weak excuses:**_

_**I damaged my knee severely and had to undergo surgery. So after seven weeks life's nearly back to normal but work is kicking my but rightt now, as you can imagine.**_

_**This chapter is dedicated to the most talented and lovliest writer: Lyricoloratura. Thanks again for the help, darling!**_

_**Any review will help my mind immensely focusing on the next chapter ;)**_

Protecting the king

Jim had made a good guess when he suggested chess to Spock. The Vulcan science officer was obviously intrigued, and expressed as much after having memorized the rules which Jim explained to him.

"Fascinating."

Jim, of course, won the first match; he had years of experience. But by the second game, Spock had already caught on to the finer points of the game -- and he went for it. Jim was stunned by the intelligence of his second in command.

In the third match Jim didn't underestimate the Vulcan's mind-blowing capability of learning at warp speed anymore. He put all his efforts into the match. In fewer than three matches, Spock had reached the level it had taken Jim years to attain.

Most of the time they sat in absolute silence, focusing on the game. Surprisingly it was Commander Spock who broke the silence first.

"I was not aware that humans would favour such a game -- based, as it is, on strictly logical rules."

Jim smirked. This was the moment he had been waiting for. Until now he had been playing in a – how could he put it? – Vulcan-compatible style, but now it was time to show what it meant to be playing against James Tiberius Kirk.

He took one of Spock's bishops with his rook, ignoring the fact that his own knight was without protection now.

Spock's eyes widened slightly and his fingers started to drum softly on the table.

‚_Ah, you bought it.'_ Jim thought triumphantly.

Spock made his move and Jim's knight left the board like he had expected.

"Are you tired, Captain?" Spock asked, seemingly casually.

"No Commander. Why are you asking?" Jim replied, a knowing smile on his face.

"Your powers of concentration seem to decrease, Captain. Your last move was not ruled by logic."

Jim didn't answer but made his next move, again challenging Spock to simply trade pieces. It took him twelve more moves to checkmate the Vulcan.

Spock's fingers now were clawed into the tabletop as he stared on the chessboard finding no way out for his king. He managed only a single word:

"How?"

Jim leaned back into his chair with a wide grin, clasping his hands behind his head.

"You know the problem with logic, Commander?" He paused dramatically. "It's predictable."

Spock kept silent, only his fingers releasing the table in defeat. Jim stood up and patted the Vulcan on the shoulder.

"But I have to admit, you played like hell for your first time, my friend."

Spock's eyes shot up and lingered on Jim's hand that still laid on his shoulder.

"You speak the truth."

Jim withdrew his hand, suddenly remembering that Vulcans were touch telepaths.

"Well... yes ... of course." Jim stuttered, not sure whether Spock was referring to the compliment to his chess abiliities or calling Spock a friend. _Oh, to hell with it, _he decided. _They're both true._

"I always mean what I say." He added aloud.

Spock's eyebrow rose to airy heights and Jim's newly found self-confidence crumbled again. He grinned sheepishly.

"Well, ok... Sometimes I don't mean it. A few weeks ago when I called you a stuffed shirt... I didn't mean that one. You know that, don't you?"

Spocks second brow went up and Jim tore his hair, groaning inwardly. Why did he always make a fool of himself in front of his First Officer?

"Ok Spock... That was a really nice evening... but I have to leave now... lots of stuff to do, you know?" he stammered before turning around and fleeing from those dark brown eyes scrutinizing him emotionlessly.

Outside the door, he banged his head against the cool metallic wall covering. Jim Kirk was pretty sure that this Thursday evening would prove to be the last time Spock wanted to spend any of his off-duty time in the same room with him.

The young captain of the USS Enterprise was all the more surprised when exactly one week later Commander Spock sought him out and suggested another "strategical lesson".

After overcoming the initial unease, the Thursday chess-evenings with Spock became a refreshing change in Kirk's routine. Once in a week he didn't have to prove how worthy a Captain he was in front of his crew or what a reckless and funny alpha animal he was among his friends; he just had to be the "inner" Jim Kirk. And that man was a quiet and thoughtful being with a brilliant mind. He simply had no chance to show it elsewhere.

Jim always had had to prove himself. But how was it possible to live up to the standards his dead father had set for him? How could a small boy show to his mother that he was worth the beloved husband's sacrifice of his life for his unborn son?

It wasn't possible; as a result, Jim had decided while still a small boy to show the world his rebellious side -- not fitting into any pattern. It was easier to disappoint his mother every day than to try and hope and to fail at the end anyway.

So how was it possible that the homeless and angry kid had found a place to rest and to feel at ease in the company of his former antagonist?

Jim looked up and studied the young face with that slight greenish tint. Spock was deep in concentration as he studied the chessboard. It was the first time that Kirk really looked at his First Officer. The sleek black hair was cut accurately, his precise eyebrows and the pointy ears not showing any of his half human heritage. He had high cheekbones and full lips. Deep brown eyes were surrounded by long, thick black lashes. Spock could have been quite the womanizer, Jim thought. But his face seemed to be made out of stone, no smile ever curving the flawless lips. And Jim knew by experience that the ladies loved to be smiled at. Spock seemed to be incapable of it.

Nothing showed Jim that there was a sensitive being inside, nothing except those slender, strangely talkative hands.

"Did you ever wish to be someone else, Spock?" he broke the companionable silence before he realized what he had asked.

Spock stilled completely before he looked up. It was the first time since that incident on the bridge that not only Spock's hands but his dark eyes as well displayed any emotion. It was confusion.

"I beg your pardon, Captain?"

"Look, you don't have to answer... I was just remembering my own childhood."

For a few incredible long moments Spock just stared into Jim's eyes without even blinking. And when Jim was sure that the Half-Vulcan wouldn't say a word, Spock answered.

"It is illogical to wish to be someone else."

Jim nodded. Who knew better than him? He noticed Spock rubbing his thumb over his other hand in small circles like a reassuring gesture.

"Yeah... But you didn't answer my question, Spock."

The time ticked by again.

"There has been a time in my life when I wasn't capable of controlling my emotional display."

_So you're just controlling the display -- not the feelings themselves? _Jim didn't dare to ask that question aloud.

"It was then that I... entertained the wish of being more adaptable to my Vulcan heritage. I had to learn to live with the fact that I was different."

It sounded like a confession Spock was overdue to make.

"That was the first time I wanted to be someone else."

"The first time? There has been a second time?"

They had long forgotten their chess game. They just stared at each other. Blue eyes meeting black ones, reaching out for one another full of understanding. After all, they seemed to have more in common then they would have ever thought.

"I still am different, Captain..."

"You still want to be like them?" Jim asked breathlessly, but Spock declined his head in negation.

"In my current situation I would prefer to be either fully Vulcan or Human. Perhaps it would help me to deal with my... emotions. I seem to lack the Vulcan capability of suppressing my feeling of grief adequately."

"And you don't have the experience to deal with it like humans do..." Jim completed the sentence for Spock who simply nodded. Jim wanted to say something to help Spock, but he wasn't a good example for dealing with emotions either. In fact, for most of his lifespan he had been an emotional wreck himself.

"Perhaps Lieutenant Uhura is right, Spock. Perhaps you should open up to her. I am sure she can help you to show how humans cope with grief. I am no good advisor at things like that. Dealing with my emotions has quite a lot to do with driving off cliffs... Ah, never mind." Jim stopped himself, realizing that Spock's shoulders had slumped only that slightly.

"You don't want to talk to her about it." He stated matter-of-factly. "Her compassion drives you nuts."

"I would choose a different wording, but basically..."

In that moment the red alarm went off. Both men jumped to their feet.

"Kirk to bridge. What's going on?"

"Keptin!" Chekov's panicked voice sounded through the conn. "An unknown ship has decloaked right in front of us! They want to speak to... our king or they will fire! They actiwated their weapons!"

"We're on our way."

"Wery good." Chekov's voice couldn't hide his relief.

Jim changed glances with Spock. "The king? I guess that would be me." He smirked sarcastically while running to the turbolift. "It seems we're going to continue our little game of chess on a bigger board."

When they reached the bridge and stepped out of the turbolift Jim Kirk was completely back to business.

"What do we know about them, Lieutenant Uhura?"

"Nothing Captain." she replied. "They speak Orion but with a lot of grammatical mistakes, so I'm sure that it isn't their true mother tongue."

"Anything else?"

Chekov turned around on his chair. "They are haewily armed."

"Are they still in the line?" he asked Uhura nonchalantly and she nodded.

"To the mainscreen, Lieutenant."

The image of the foreign ship before them vanished and the face of a red-scaled alien that looked more like a reptile than a humanoid appeared. It had no eyes, but only slits that glowed yellow. It's snake-like tongue slid in and out licking to his nostrils where a nose should have been.

„Issss you the king?" The question sounded like a hiss.

Jim squared his shoulders "I'm James Tiberius Kirk, Captain of the U.S.S. Enterprise. There is no king. Identify yourself."

"No king?" it hissed angrily. „But you issssss the leader?"

"Yes, I am. Identify yourself or we will...."

"Goooood." The yellow eyes glowed triumphantly as the strange alien gave a wave to someone beside him.

Not a second later Jim felt an odd tingling sensation at his feet. He looked down and a red swirl started to surround him rapidly.

"Keptin!"

"Jim!" It was Spock's voice that had shouted his first name to Kirk's utter surprise before the red light engulfed him and he lost sight of the bridge.


End file.
